Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber

It's been a good old while since I blogged. Whether this is down to desperation or merely apathy I am not at all sure. Since I last blogged there has been a global financial meltdown triggering widespread recession, the inauguration of a black president of the United States and a change of government in my own country resulting in a coalition of two parties who have so far performed with staggeringly, consistent ineptitude.

I am no economist, but even I know that measures have to be put in place for an economy to grow before you slash and burn down the public sector with a ruthlessness that reeks of political ideology. The sudden burden on the welfare state (which is also in discriminatory reform) creates a stagnant economy with absolute zero spending power and we have subsequently seen today a contraction in the UK economy.

All of which effects me not one jot as I have a relatively secure job under the radar of cuts, I receive no benefits and I am not disabled.

But one cannot help but feel for the people who are not so lucky. People who a few years ago may have dodged the bullet by at least taking early retirement only to find their pension has been underinvested or frozen as a result of a woefully performing stock market.

The words of Thatcher are beginning to echo again as "The Big Society" disguises itself as "No Such Thing As Society."

Time to sharpen the broadswords again...

The lunatics are in my head

How to live with someone who drives you crazy and loves you at the same time with several compounding problems, mitigating circumstances, alien relationships and many positive peripheral events that means the status quo is wholly maintained whilst the relationship gets no services or regular MOT. To stay with the motoring analogy it's like a car with no wheels, stuck on the driveway on unattractive red bricks instead of limestone.

The cheese and the mustard are ok

I am not remotely xenophopic and like to think that before I make any irrational judgements about an individual, group of people or even a nation I will have examined every angle before I reach a rash subjective decision.

So it has taken me two successive annual visits to France on a camping holiday to come to the definate conclusion that the French are the most ignorant, selfish and possibly dateless bunch of wankers I have had the displeasure to encounter.

They jump queues, barge you out of the way and don't ever get out of the way with absolute impunity and it could well be that the expressions or words sorry, excuse me or pardon are either never taught in the home or school system, or there is some subliminal state control at work here that involves peoples knowledge of these words being either erased or supressed.

But, it is perhaps in the field of driving that the French excel themselves when it comes to the epitome of discourtesy and blind pig ignorance.

To drive in an English car in France is simply to drive in an invisible car. A roundabout to the french is simply a straight road, a crossroads, ditto.

If a vehicle is oncoming and wanting to turn left then please do not presume you have the right of way, because seeing your English number plate is merely carte-blanch for old Jean-Paul to presume you are an imbecile whose only aim in life is to putter around French roads with the sole aim of ensuring he gets to his destination all the quicker.

On one occasion last week (I'm still quivering with apoplexy) about this we spotted a car parking space on the other side of the road. My wife reversed across the carriageway into the space to straighten up only to have some (I desperately need to know the French for airheaded, sackless, bitch) to nip in front of us, take the space and without even making any eye contact to my splaying, waving arms and aghast, open mouth, proceed to get out of the car. We were so stunned by this that neither me or my wife could actually speak and drove off to find a space about 3 km away in order that we could spend some money where clearly only our money; and not our well being, contentment or happiness was sought.

I could go on about the futility of ever trying to actually visit anywhere of interest because you will not find a parking space. All you will infact find are Claude and Brigitte and a gaggle of oblivious, non-attentive children, who have been there since the early hours of the morning just to deprive you from enjoying any experience the country has to offer. And if you have the misfortune to enjoy ancient monuments, be sure to visit in mid-winter about 11 o'clock at night because this is the only time little Aime and Alain won't be clambering over somebodys ancient resting place in order for the goggle-eyed devoted catholic parents to show their coffee guzzling, croissant eating shums what their over indulged offspring and an ancient monument look like.

Let's get the hell out of dodge

I have recently been profoundly influenced by a) John Steinbeck's 'Of Men and their Making,' b) Jonathan Miller's 'History of Disbelief,' and c) revisiting Hunter S Thompson via the movie 'Fear and Loathing,' and extensive articles on Wikipedia.

Conclusion

We is fucked!

American politics is so venal it is almost impossible to penetrate or investigate - the only hope being that it must begin to crumble from the inside and collapse and burn like a house of tissue paper soaked in gasoline.

British politics are so lame and wholly subjagated by American politics, that domestic issues are rendered virtually meaningless.

I am mindful of Billy Connelly - 'Don't vote for them, you will only encourage them.'

May I suggest a non-political, non-elective, secular community somewhere between Epicureanism and Philanthropic Socialism with Frank Zappa as posthumous head of state located in the highlands of Scotland or anywhere on the coast of Brittany.

Fave website and full of erudite ammunition: Famous atheists http://www.wonderfulatheistsofcfl.org/Quotes.htm

Where in the world are we now

That horrid little man Michael Howard. Oh what short memories we have. 60 years since VE day and only 8 since tory pillaging ceased and yet that weasel vampire is given a platform to espouse bigotted, inflammatory views in an effort to secure power to continue what Thatcher and her lifeless little cronies never finished. I may not particularly like Mr Blair or trust him but believe me great British folk you undertake a perilous path if you let this fellow Howard dupe you into letting him in office.

If that happens I for one will be posting these from some corner of the world where Mr Howard will find some reason or other to convince you that only jonny foreigner resides there. You have been warned.